Tuesday, March 9, 2010

That's a octopus!

I was showing my mom when she was over some of the papers that I had saved from Katch's school-We were looking at one where we had to trace the shapes and Katch was telling us what all the shapes were and we got to the octagon and he said " that''s an octopus" !

Sunday, January 31, 2010

Snow Days

This was his "magic stick" - Kept it in his pocket and looked for in his coat the next day-

Painting 6

Painting 5

Painting 4

Painting 3

Painting 2

painting #1

Wanted to post some pics from our snow days! katch and I haven't left the house since since Thursday afternoon and we have had so much fun!! I did a few more snow days with my baby!

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Remember the 10

Today was another hard day! It always is. January 27, 2001- Two very special people took a little piece of my heart 9 years ago today and I only pray that they know how very special they were to me. I could never describe in words what they meant to me. Can't believe it's been 9 years, it seems like yesterday. I remember thinking I am going to wake-up and the whole thing would be just a nightmare. It's still so unbelievable-and that's exactly what Jared would say- "That's unbelieveable" I think about Pat and Jared and the rest of the 10 often and really how unbelieveable it was. What they were doing- did they now what was happening, was it fast, did they feel any pain, etc. That's hard for me to think about- probably for anyone to think about.

We had some great times and some great memories! Jared and Pat would have been great at whatever they did!

I remember at the big memorial service-it was one of the first times I heard that song- (not sure of the title ) that goes "will I dance for you Jesus or to my knees will I fall"- and I remember thinking I hoped that they were dancing a good one! And every time I hear that song- I think of that moment- and of them. I miss them trememndously! They were so awesome!

I posted on my facebook today that I was remembering two very special angels and remembering some great times. I miss their smiles and love them always! And I can't wait to see them again- they are getting a HUGE hug!

This is another day, when you are reminded that Life is short- Hold tight to the ones you love and make sure they know it!

We will never forget- Remember the 10-

Sunday, January 24, 2010

Lots of thoughts

So I went back and read my last post and realized that I had alot of typos. Sorry about that! My head is thinking a little clearer now so hopefully I can have no typos!

First off-random question. Because I am somewhat new to blogging and don't spend alot of time on here other than reading, how do become a "follower"? I know silly question but I need to know so I can start "following"

So here's a cute story for you-

CJ and I were going to a dinner for his work and Miss Sara was coming to babysit this past Thursday. As I was getting ready Katch came into our room and said " I need to get ready for Sara, so I need to look good. I need some spikey hair and some smell good." So Sara came and she actually took him to the Bristles house to play. She said it toook him 10 minutes to decide which pajamas to wear for Addie! Then when he gets there, Addie runs to her room and puts on her princess dress and then asks her mommie for a neckalace for Katch. She then comes back to say "Katch said I was beautiful" How old are they? Too Cute-

So reading my post about losing our baby I realized that I talked about that it was just another thing to add to my "list." And then the next night our lesson in d-groups was about not making everything about us and why things happen to us and in a way -adding things to our list- And that is what I have been doing for the past year. So I am trying to change my attitude-
I also said something about having my ultrasound on the last day of the year and how ironic that was -because for the last few months all I kept thinking about and praying about was that I just needed to make it to the end of the year. That I was just so ready for it to be over. And as silly as it was I felt like a change in a number would mean changes in my attitude. I was waiting for the storms to pass not just for me but for the people around me. I know that really they never will- (Just sometimes it would be nice to have a break from the storms. )

I am trying to hold onto that life isn't about waiting for those storms to pass but learning about
dancing in the rain. And my realtionship with my heavenly father is not about me and my "list".

For all of my friends who have suffered heart ache this past year, know that I have prayed for you, cried for you and ached for you. I pray for only blessings for all of us this year and that when life does bring us those storms (and it will)that we will learn to hold each others hands and dance in the rain!

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

On a happier note

On a happier note- you can check out my picture and the article in oklahoma magizine- I think you will have to scroll through the pages until you get to my pic!'

I was also featured on 918moms.com as the "mom on the move" last week!


My Dad

So as I was already feeling sad yesterday morning, when I got a call from my mom saying that she had taken my dad to the emergency room the night before with chest pain. She called me a couple hours later to tell me that it had been a heart attack. He had his cath, and they found several blockages one at 99% so theywent ahead and put in a stent. There were several other blockages along with some aneurisms which they are watching today. There was damage to the heart and indications that somehthing will happen again in the future. He was doing good when we went and saw him last night.
So if remember and can say a prayer for him that would be awesome! His name is Loran and he is in Stillwater medical center!

Our gift

So after reading a dear friends blog last night and finding out that she was going through the same thing I am right now, I felt like it is time to share some news with all my dear friends, I don't blog very much because I feel silly sometimes but after reading other peoples, I know how healing they can be sometimes for the people reading them.
So here you go..
This past Christmas, CJ and I had the best present ever to give our families! You probably guessed it - we were pregnant! I took a pregnancy test (actually three and one blood test from the doctor) almost two weeks before Christmas and they were positive. It was the longest countdown until Christmas ever and I was so excited to give my present to our families. Had it all planned out in my head. When we found out we were pregnant with Katch, I sent all of your family a pink and blue balloon to be delivered to them and with the balloons was a card that said this.

Pink or Blue, which will it be
Congratulations Grandma (grandma aunt, etc.) to be

So I was going to put a pink and blue balloon in a box. In my families I was going to add a poem because that has been the trend with my family this year (my mom sent us a poem when they bought their new house, when they told us the location of their house and when my dad retired) So I made up a poem for them.

It was
a wedding, a new house, retirement for dad
what other news could anyone possibly add
well place your bets now on what it will be
because come August 15th, our family will no longer be three!

Well, without going into major details, I had been bleeding, gone to the doctor, did some blood work and scheduled my first ultrasound for December 31st. I thought how ironic it was that my ultrasound was scheduled on the last day of the year - Deep down Ihad a feeling that wasn't a good sign and I tried not to give it a second thought. (I will explain more another day.)
So on Christmas Eve, I was having horrible cramps and was bleeding alot! I think I knew what was happening but was in denial. Everytime I went to the bathroom, I had to stay awhile and cry to myself. How could this be happening and then I was thinking oh well just another thing to add to my "list" and then I kept asking God, that if I was miscarrying couldn't it wait until after Christmas. But it didn't wait. We still told our parents but instead of inflated balloons they got deflated balloons and I told them what I thought was going on.

I called my doctor on Monday morning and they told me to just keep my appointment on the 31st. So instead of getting to see our baby on the 31st and hearing the heartbeat, we saw an empty uterus.
I guess I feel like that sometimes sharing your story, is not only healing for yourself but for those who read it.
Yes, I know everything happens for a reason and people will tell me, it's Gods way of saying something was wrong with the baby. Which I understand but I don't. Because that is not always the case-most of you reading this know my best friend in the whole world and the loss of her baby-so I am struggling with that thought.

I wanted to blog and let you guys know what was going on because most of you don't know and it's not something that you just bring up in a conversation. It's also hard to open my heart in face to face conversations so I think if I start blogging my thoughts and feelings maybe I will start to heal (not just from this but alot of other things)